This is me, standing right in front of you.

We never been close, I sort of wonder why are we even acting that close.

May be we use to be close but, we grew further apart.

I got sick of waiting, got sick of you.

I remember the times I wanted to support you, yet in the end, I am piss.

Piss at you for doing a bitch.

I really give up in saving whatever friendship we had and we sort of started.

Whatever it is, I don't give a damn any more.

Not worth my time cause you don't seem to be trying.

Fuck

Yeah really I am.

I hate it when people ignore my tweets, my fb post and my comments.

It made me invisible, unseen and they don't bother to care.

I will get this out away from me later tonight after dinner. Another 5km job and walk again. This time a thicker jacket.

Really, my thoughts of holding a blade is tearing me apart and don't even mention about getting more money and tattoo.

This is me hanging on a thread.

I am really about to lose it. i will lose all I am build up today from the past few weeks. My starvation will stop due to my stress level gotten pretty high.

I am emotionally hanging on a thread, about to fall off. I stand between a very thin line that I will sooner or later bring my best friend out again.

I stop suicide cutting weeks again because my scars don't heal fast enough before I slit for a new fresh wound.

I sound crazy but when I need someone to talk to, I just can't find the person. Or rather there is no one that I am able to express out my feeling to.

Look at me in such a messy state, i have scars in various places, I am mess up emotionally and physically, i made a mess of my friends.

I should trust them, I am trusting them but I got a side of me saying that they are lying.

I should trust her, she is my friend. I am trying to struggle between this madness.

I am fargile, I will soon fall back into pieces and back to square one.

I will go back to my obsession. but this time

I will need a sharper razor blade.

F baby, if you read this, I am sorry for every second that I doubt you. I know I am mess up. I am so fuck up that you will never know why I even doubted you.

Fuck me for doubting, such a fucker am I.

i tend to shut people down a lot. Even my family

I love them, but I still feel that i wish I was more of being understood than being scolded all the time.

Really being the first child has it's benefits and mroe diadvangtage.

I really wish I am not a girl now.

We all have stories to tell.

We all have similar problems.

We all have the same habit of lying that we are okay, faking a smile.

In the end, those who torment us are like us. Defeated, sad, loney, crying to our sleep at night.

In the end, we are all the same. It's like a repeated cycle.

You will never know what is in her or his mind. He looks happy, but in the end he is just like you. Loney, sad, some times happy yet he does have the same feelings as you.

You will never know.

You can say how much you hate me, you can say how much you dislike me as a daughter.

You can say how bitchy am I as a friend, you can say how piss I made you.

Even still, you don't know how much more you hurtful things you done to me.

You will never know that I cry myself to sleep at nigh all the time.

I cut myself, told other people who saw it's scratch.

I may never be able to tell myself again those beautiful words.

I may never see anybody so innocent anymore.

i may never let go of this addiction.

It's killing me inside everytime you speak, write, type, shout, any thing and every thing.

I really want to go to glizt. Tsk in the end I did not. I wish I did. I wish I have more lessons.